


Strangers

by slytherinwoozi



Series: hopeless fountain kingdom [2]
Category: Fifth Harmony (Band), Halsey (Musician)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Friends With Benefits, Miscarriage, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 07:18:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12476276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytherinwoozi/pseuds/slytherinwoozi
Summary: She doesn't kiss me on the mouth anymore'Cause it's more intimate than she thinks we should getShe doesn't look me in the eyes anymoreToo scared of what she'll see, somebody holding me





	Strangers

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is the second part of my HFK series and I think it can be read as a standalone, but it's more enjoyable if read after the first work. I hope you like it!

Lauren went on tour. It was a worldwide thing, one of those things that make you lose track of time and start thinking you'll actually never leave the tour bus and it's all just a scam. Of course they kept in touch; just not as much as Ashley would like to.  
Truth be told, she missed Lauren. She missed waking up to her pretty face and making food and watching Netflix with her. Now, she was finally alone, away from the rest of the world, but it just felt lonely.  
She had been like that ever since that VEVO performance. When her whole world was falling apart, her fans were the only ones there for her, and then she got back to her hotel and all she heard were insults from the manager. How dare she do anything to her body that he didn't tell her to do? How dare she have a miscarriage? When she finally locked the door, she felt lonely for the first time in years. Bleeding in a city that wasn't hers, crying over a baby she didn't even know existed. It was too early, the doctors said. She shouldn't worry too much about it. But how could she not worry?  
She cried herself to sleep every night for a whole month. And then she decided she'd spill it all, make it into music, honor the life she once bore in her womb. She knew she would never forget it, but that didn't mean it should always hurt. So she wrote everything she felt and made it into pretty rhymes and healed, by herself, in a different room for every night. Everything around her constantly changed, but that didn't mean she had to.  
Alone in the kitchen, she hummed a song to herself, trying to recreate the melody that had been stuck in her head for the last week. Her songs were more painful now, but somehow also lighter, full of beauty and art. She wanted to create a new concept for her music, a better version of herself. She scrolled through Twitter a million times before actually getting a notepad and starting to write.   
Sitting on top of the counter, she let all her thoughts spill into the paper. It slowly took form as dawn became dust: a story about the Sun and the Moon and how they could never coexist in harmony, no matter how much they tried. Romeo and Juliet on the twenty first century, but also something else, a kingdom of her own. Instead of using people as her muse and then spitting them out, she used her own mind. She felt the need to apologize, but also to never bow down, so she did both, in her own messy way. Her friends hadn't seen her in a while, but they didn't seem to care. She didn't, either. Who even were her friends, anyway?  
Trying to pursue a career in music, she had left a lot behind. Her childhood friends and her old convictions, her hometown and her security. She had never felt safe, anyway. She had felt trapped, trapped inside her own body, in a city where nothing ever really happened. At some point, she just gave up on looking for herself and became the person she was in other people's mouths. She knew better than that now, but she didn't regret anything. She found herself later, in airplanes and hotel corridors, thanks to that. Thanks to the people who said she'd never be good enough for her town. She wasn't, but maybe she could be good enough for the world.  
When she woke up, all sore from passing out in the kitchen, she realized what a mess she had been. Like something that used to be on fire, and then burned itself into dirty ashes. She had to get her shit together before the public forgot her, so she took pretty pictures and hanged out with her friends and looked mysterious to the paparazzi. Halsey, back at it again with her weird music and loud opinions. It felt good to slip into that persona every now and then. She gave interviews and took selfies with fans and actually came home with a smile in her face for three days in a row, a record she should be proud of. Still, something still ached inside her.  
She missed Lauren. Watching her perform wasn't the same thing as having her there, sitting on the sofa wearing an oversized shirt from the nineties. And she had to stand all the drama over the other girl, the one Lauren was supposed to love. She hadn't even thought of her during the nights they spent together, but it was hard to see her now. Holding hands with her and dancing next to her and smiling eternally. Ashley would, too, if she always had Lauren by her side.  
One night, she decided she would write to the people she had loved before. In a song, though, because she had never been brave enough to send letters or text first. If she made it all into music, they'd get the message, and it wouldn't be painfully awkward if they didn't. So she talked about the boys and the girls she had been with, or at least the ones she had thought she loved. It was a whole new kind of freedom to use feminine pronouns. Even though she had been out ever since her career started, she'd never written about girls. Not in noticeable ways. It felt silly now.  
When the North America branch of Lauren's tour ended, she couldn't stop smiling. They could FaceTime for more than ten seconds now, and she felt much more real in her cellphone's selfie mode, lying on a bunk bed and whining about how tired she was. It didn't take long for Ashley to invite her back to her house, and it didn't take long for Lauren to accept to.  
Hearing the knocks on the door made her heart beat eighty times faster. She had been sitting on her sofa all morning, watching TV shows where people demolished houses and then built them again, anxiously waiting for Lauren to arrive. Ashley tried not to look too excited as she opened the front door, but it was impossible. She had missed that girl more than she could ever imagine missing anyone who wasn't family.  
"Hey, you," Lauren smiled against her neck, hugging her as tightly as she had been hugged. "I missed you. Lots."  
"Same," Ashley confessed, dragging her inside. "Are you tired? Wanna take a nap?"  
"That's my biggest wish right now."  
They both laughed, even though it wasn't that funny. It was just way too exciting to share that colossal house with someone else. Especially because that someone was Lauren.  
She took her to the master bedroom, lying on her side of the bed and wondering what she should say. After all the excitement, it was a little awkward. Where did they even stand? Was it a one night thing? Was it a friends with benefits thing?  
"So how was touring?," she finally asked.  
"Not as exciting as it should be. I should have listened to people when they said I should never date a bandmate. Things get messy afterwards."  
"So you really dated her."  
"Of course I did!," Lauren looked outraged. "I know almost everything in the industry is fake, but that wasn't. Not for me, at least."  
"How did it end?"  
She couldn't help asking. It was a little too good to know that there was nothing between her and the girl. Not anymore, at least. She wondered if that made her a bad person. It probably did.  
"She doesn't look me in the eyes anymore. We barely ever interact on stage because she says that's too intimate. It doesn't even make sense. It wasn't too intimate when we slept together in a tiny bunk bed and everyone knew."  
Lauren looked mad, but also tired. Like she'd just lost a war. It wasn't a good look on her. She should always be smiling, surrounded by her own glow. It made Ashley angry to think someone could cause that to her.  
"Well, fuck that. You don't deserve to hide from the world."  
"I need to, though. And so does she. Because we're perfect little straight princesses. And I guess she can live that lie, but I just can't. I can't be a lover and a stranger at the same time."  
"Okay, that would make a very good song."  
"As if I'd ever be able to release it."  
"Well, I can do that. If you sing with me."  
Lauren laughed into a pillow and looked at her with a sleepy smile until she noticed how serious Ashley was.  
"That's crazy."  
"That's venting."  
"Very publicly."  
"Everything we do is public."  
She let out a defeated sigh.  
"Okay. Get us some paper and pens before I start to regret this."


End file.
